Mommys Hopes and Promises - Cubicle Chic

A Letter to Sophia // Mommy's Hopes and Promises - Cubicle Chic A Letter to Sophia // Mommy’s Hopes and Promises Lifestyle February 27, 2019 2 CommentsDear Sophia,I just put you down for the third nap today. Watching your sleeping face brings mommy so much joy. It’s the kind of joy that makes mommy wonder what I ever did to deserve you in my life. The last 3 months of  daddy and mommy’s life have been a whirlwind, but undoubtedly the best 3 months of our lives. In preparation for your arrival, we read books, watched videos, took classes, and asked our  friends about how to be the best parents. We took things very seriously, stressed and strived. But the one thing that we weren’t prepared for is the kind of joy and happiness that you would bring to our life.   It’s inexplicable, and has turned mommy into a total cliche because I literally cannot believe how much I love you!Mommy has thought long and hard about the kind of mom I wanted to be. You see, I have hopes and dreams as a mom, but I was always afraid that they would be self-centered and selfish. My hopes and dreams would be about what you want, what you hope for in life, and how you want to live your life. Of course, I will be there to guide you and shape your beliefs in the early years, but we will be learning wheels and not crutches, counselors and not constraints. Whenever mommy has a quiet moment to look at you with no distraction, mommy thinks about the future. Mommy thinks about what I can do to make sure that you grow up to be a happy, confident, courageous, and good-hearted person. Most importantly, mommy thinks about how our relationship will be, and that I want to be your friend when you grow up more than just being your mom.As your 100-day birthday approaches, mommy decided to collect these thoughts and write you a letter.   It’s funny how as we live life, life itself gets in the way of us enjoying the little precious moments. This is Mommy’s way of putting the moments in a glass jar… and saving it for you to savor and relish when you are ready. Mommy is a mere mortal and a very flawed one a t it, and there will probably be moments in your life when you wonder if mommy ever loved you. If you have doubts… remember this:When you are old enough to read this letter one day, know that since the moment they first laid your bare body on my chest with the umbilical cord still connecting us, I have not loved anyone more in this world.Mommy promises to always consider your perspective in everythingMommy promises to listenMommy promises to always be your friendMommy promises to always laugh with youMommy promises no matter how busy life gets, to always pay attention to youMommy promises to always try to be a better mom  Mommy hopes to help you see the best in yourself and in othersMommy hopes to appreciate the beauty in this world with youMommy hopes that you become an optimistic, empathetic, and warm personMommy hopes that the  failures you experience in life always teach you valuable lessonsMommy hopes that someday you will love someone as much as mommy has loved you  ++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Note:I’m a very reflective and introspective person. I’ve always been. But nothing has made me re-examine everything I know, believe, and care about like the arrival of Sophia did.In the early phase of my pregnancy, I was very anxious about the fact that I was becoming a mom. If you read my post about things that no one tells you about being pregnant, the throbbing sense of anxiety is unmistakable. I worried that I wasn’t up for the task. I was glad that I had 9 months to think myself through this lack of confidence. Yet it wasn’t time that I needed. I simply needed to meet her. It’s strange. The closest description I have for the transformation I experienced is that it’s magical, powerful, and unimaginable even for the most creative minds. The overwhelming sense of affection, obligation, and attachment I feel toward my daughter is  something that I could not have fathomed before. It’s nothing short of eye-opening. The most distinguished way that this experience has changed me is my attitude towards the unknown. I’ve always been the type of person that sees more threat and danger in the unknown of the future than opportunities and growth. But motherhood, specifically the joy that emerged with it, has changed my belief. I realized that the mind simply isn’t capable of grasping the good the future could bring. Even if it does, the logical part of our brain will suppress it. With this experience, I’ve become more optimistic about the future in general. I often catch myself looking forward to all the things I will get to do with Sophia in the future. The panic and anxiety that I experienced when I first became pregnant are no longer.   Even though I am more sleep deprived than ever and do not have the freedom I used to have in the conventional sense, I am more at peace, content, and fulfilled than ever.